You Might be an Aircraft Maintainer IF.....

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Member for

18 years 10 months

Posts: 4,796

You've ever said, "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."

You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover.

You know what JP4/JP5 (jet fuel) tastes like.

You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.

You've ever had to say, "My boots are still black!" (or ever spray-painted them black)

You have ever used soot from the tailpipe to blacken your boots.

You believe the aircraft has a soul.

You talk to the aircraft.

The only thing you know about any city is where the good bars are.

You know more about your coworkers than you do about your own family.

You can't figure out why maintenance officers exist.

You ever wished the pilot would just say, "Great aircraft!"

You take it as a badge of honor to be just called " a Det Hound."

You can't comprehend why everyone doesn't want to be a Maintainer.

You think everyone who isn't a Maintainer is a wimp.

You wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid rules.

You've ever wished your jet would drop a Mk-84 on Saddam Hussein's house.

You consider 'Moly-B' fingerprints on food an 'acquired taste'.

You've ever been told to "go get us some prop wash, a yard of flight line or the keys to the jet.

You have ever jumped inside an intake to get out of the rain.

You consider a TDY a paid vacation.

The phrase "Oh, by the way..." makes your eye twitch.

Little yellow ear plugs are all over your house.

You have ever preflighted in really bad weather only to learn that the flight was canceled hours ago.

Your spouse refuses to watch any aviation shows or attend air shows with you.

The refrigerator in your barracks room is stocked only with beer!

You have ever looked for pictures of "your" jet in aviation books and magazines.

You know that you are the best maintainer in the military and your jet is the best in the fleet!

You can't figure out why two weeks of advance per-diem is gone after three days.

You can sleep anywhere, anytime. But as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.

Almost everyone thinks that all you do is wave your arms in the air.

You have ever used a cranial, wheel chock, or tow bar for a pillow.

You have ever stood on wheel chocks to keep your feet dry.

You have ever used a pair of Dykes to trim a fingernail.

You have ever pulled the gun switch while riding brakes.

You have ever started a jet inside the hanger!

You have ever wiped your hands on your pants.

You have ever wiped leaks right before a crew show.

You have ever worn someone else's hat just to go to chow.

All you care about is the flying schedule and your days off.

You have ever had to defuel your jet an hour after fueling it.

Everyone you know has some kind of nickname.

You have used the "Pull Chocks" hand signal to tell your buddies it is time to leave.

You have ever bled hydraulic fluid into a Gatorade bottle or soda can because you are too lazy to go get a hydraulic bucket and the Hazmat keys.

You hate that people who work at the gym handing out towels get the same pay as you.

If have you ever been tackled, duct taped to a tow bar, covered in PET and sand, egged, sourmilked, peanut buttered and jellied, and slapped under the emergency wash station in 30 deg weather?

You know in your heart that your jet is female.

You refer to ANY machine as "she."

You refer to QA as "the enemy."

You hate Ops, Maintenance Control, QA, and cops.

You've ever made a new pilot buy you a beer just to put his name on the canopy.

You enjoy drinking beer after work and watching the squadron next door pull an engine.

You think JP8 and Skoal wintergreen taste good together.

You know the international marshalling sign for "pull your head out of your ass."

You know the words "beer", "taxi", and "hotel" in at least three different languages.

You've ever worked weekend duty on a jet that isn't flying on Monday.

You've wanted the jet to start just so you can warm up.

You can't remember half of your coworkers real names... only their nicknames.

You fix 30 million dollar jets, but can't figure out what's wrong with your $150 lawnmower.

Your toolbox at home has wheels and foam cutouts, just like the ones at work.

Some of the tools in your toolbox at home are etched.

If the way you measure the cost of living in other countries is by the price of a beer at a bar.

Original post

Member for

19 years 1 month

Posts: 6,043


You wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid rules.

Amen to that brother :rolleyes:...esp some of the stupid rules brought in under the pretext of 'Elf n safety' :rolleyes:

rgds baz (fellow AM :D)

Member for

17 years 5 months

Posts: 8,980

Aircraft engineering is like Gynaecology, except the hole is normally smaller and further away from the item in question, but on the whole smells better.

Member for

19 years 1 month

Posts: 6,043

Yes Tony - I changed a few Harrier AMSU's/SAMSU's on a/c with engine installed ... which somebody had likened to taking your teeth out through your A55...I had to agree LOL

rgds baz

Member for

13 years 5 months

Posts: 919

You've ever said, "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."
It is. If it's on the floor, or hanging off the aircraft, it still resembles what its supposed to...

You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover.
To such a good natural high, there is an un-natural low....

You know what JP4/JP5 (jet fuel) tastes like.
Jet A and A1... A1 is nicer because of the ice inhibitor

You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.
or a nail scraper, or a filter blockage indicator re-setter, or to keep your car exhaust on, or keep your fence up in strong winds.....

You've ever had to say, "My boots are still black!" (or ever spray-painted them black)
or had to throw them away after two weeks because the steel toe-cap is showing....

You have ever used soot from the tailpipe to blacken your boots.
or had to crawl down the jetpipe just to make your brand-new overalls look used

You believe the aircraft has a soul.
It does, and it hates us

You talk to the aircraft.
only when insulting it

You ever wished the pilot would just say, "Great aircraft!"
One did once. He was wrong.

You can't comprehend why everyone doesn't want to be a Maintainer.
Especially since I teach them!

You think everyone who isn't a Maintainer is a wimp.
they are.... if they're not an engineer that makes them a trolley-dolly or an admin clerk.

You consider 'Moly-B' fingerprints on food an 'acquired taste'.
PRC is nicer than that silicone rubbish

You've ever been told to "go get us some prop wash, a yard of flight line or the keys to the jet.
Metre of fallopian tube, tartan paint, or a long stand.

You have ever jumped inside an intake to get out of the rain.
or OUT of an intake when some loon sets of the ignitors for a giggle. A Victor intake is a long way up.....

The phrase "Oh, by the way..." makes your eye twitch.
;)

Little yellow ear plugs are all over your house.
and their fully fledged ear def cousins

Your spouse refuses to watch any aviation shows or attend air shows with you.
Date no.2 involved a Bristol Hercules strip down.... we've been married 10 years now....

You have ever looked for pictures of "your" jet in aviation books and magazines.
MY jets have all been retired.... and I'm only 34!

You have ever used a pair of Dykes to trim a fingernail.
tin snips... yes

You have ever wiped your hands on your pants.
Asda sell jeans for £4 so its not a problem.

You have ever wiped leaks right before a crew show.
If it doesn't leak, its out of fluid...

Everyone you know has some kind of nickname.
Chalky and Floppy would dissagree

You know in your heart that your jet is female.
All aircraft are.... and they all hate us

You refer to ANY machine as "she."
Stroppy, tempramental, and makes you late for beer.....

You think JP8 and Skoal wintergreen taste good together.
Chateux d'Chably and AVCAT. Yum....

You can't remember half of your coworkers real names... only their nicknames.
Chalky White is not on Facebook.....

You fix 30 million dollar jets, but can't figure out what's wrong with your $150 lawnmower.
... or your car, or your child's toy, or anything else!

Your toolbox at home has wheels and foam cutouts, just like the ones at work.
As a contractor, my home toolkit IS the one at work! That said, I have yet to find a household use for a windy hammer....

Some of the tools in your toolbox at home are etched.
I can neither confirm nor deny......

Member for

13 years 5 months

Posts: 919

The Airline Transport Pilot leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a 747, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and discusses policy with God.

The Multi-Engine Pilot leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a 707, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if it is calm, and talks to God.

The Instrument Pilot leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable wind conditions, is nearly as powerful as a Lear Jet, almost as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water of an indoor pool, and talks to God if special request is approved.

The Commercial Pilot makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, loses a tug-of-war with twin-engine aircraft, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God.

The Private Pilot barely clears a camping tent, is run over by single engined aircraft, can sometimes recognise a speeding bullet, , can dog-paddle, and talks to animals.

The Soloed Student Pilot runs into buildings, recognizes a Cessna 172 two out of three times, has never seen a speeding bullet, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.

The Non-Soloed Student Pilot falls over door sills when trying to enter buildings, says "Look at the airplane," wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself.

The Aircraft Engineer lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks planes out of the hangars, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them, and freezes water with a single glance.

The Engineer IS God...

Member for

18 years 10 months

Posts: 4,796

Yesterday I couldn't spell *engineer*...... Today I are one ;)

Member for

13 years 5 months

Posts: 919

i r literit

Member for

19 years 1 month

Posts: 6,043

Yes Tony - I changed a few Harrier AMSU's/SAMSU's on a/c with engine installed ... which somebody had likened to taking your teeth out through your A55...I had to agree LOL

rgds baz

Actually I got my acronyms mixed up,after being let down by the sparkys (greenies/df's etc) as usual - I ended up doing 2 (FFP) Fuel Flow Proportioner changes with engine installed - for no reason

http://i695.photobucket.com/albums/vv316/volvosmoker/Dunsfold1999-1.jpg

With the cold nozzle pointing at the mug :D
Tricky little job...access hole too small for the component and once unbolted you could not let the bloody thing drop because of many small pipes underneath it LOL

Photo taken at Dunsfold 1999/2000

Member for

18 years 6 months

Posts: 1,022

Had a good laugh at those lists..... :D

Another very common one springs to mind too (from plenty of experience..lol):

....You've had blue paper towel wrapped round your wrist like some weird tennis sweat band - just to stop gallons of OM-15 pouring down your upwardly extended arm because some bright spark in the design office thought it would be a great idea to put the hydraulic filters way up there at full arm's length even though they're "an easy swap" job..... :diablo:

Member for

18 years 7 months

Posts: 1,376

http://i695.photobucket.com/albums/vv316/volvosmoker/Dunsfold1999-1.jpg

That's a fantastic hairdryer you got there.

Member for

19 years 1 month

Posts: 6,043


....You've had blue paper towel wrapped round your wrist like some weird tennis sweat band - just to stop gallons of OM-15 pouring down your upwardly extended arm because some bright spark in the design office thought it would be a great idea to put the hydraulic filters way up there at full arm's length even though they're "an easy swap" job..... :diablo:

I prefer cotton rag tied round me wrists for the 'wet' part of overhead fuel/hyd jobs :)

We all must have seen the poor fitter taking a fuel shower whilst manfully trying to hold up the fuel tank panel he is removing (but had forgotten to check tank was defuelled first !):D

At Dunsfold one sunny day whilst getting near the end of a 'Mid Life Crisis' on a Harrier FU2...my mate and I were pressurising the radar cooling system when one of the nose couplings let go and a thin stream of cooling fluid shot out straight into a passing 'shiney's' mouth LOL :D
My mate was lying on the floor in stitches and I am saying to the poor guy ''well it is supposed to be safe'' :D
The poor guy was always referred to as the 'Coolanol Kid' after that LOL

Member for

18 years 10 months

Posts: 4,796

We all must have seen the poor fitter taking a fuel shower whilst manfully trying to hold up the fuel tank panel he is removing (but had forgotten to check tank was defuelled first !):D

How about a battery acid shower?

Laying under a Staggerwing, removing a panel & some blithering idiot had thought it a good idea to mount the spill bottle on the inside of the panel.. & when the panel comes lose it tips at an angle spilling all the acid out the breather tube. I saw it *JUST* in time & turned my head to the side so I didn't get a face full of it, Right sleeve & most of the shoulder of my tshirt on that shirt disintegrated.

Member for

19 years 1 month

Posts: 6,043

That's a fantastic hairdryer you got there.

Thanks...Seems to work ok LOL :D

http://i695.photobucket.com/albums/vv316/volvosmoker/Dunsfoldlate80s.jpg

Fitting engine bay heat shields in XZ439 (Art Nalls flyer) circa 1995

Member for

19 years 1 month

Posts: 6,043

How about a battery acid shower?I saw it *JUST* in time & turned my head to the side so I didn't get a face full of it, Right sleeve & most of the shoulder of my tshirt on that shirt disintegrated.

Ouch...I have had 'acid erosion' of jeans and tee shirts many years ago (bikes and cars !).
But never near the face...now that is dodgy :rolleyes:

Member for

13 years 5 months

Posts: 919

We did an APU run to test the PFCU we'd just changed on an F3 during a Primary servivcing in a HAS (no ground cart available). What we failed to do was check the rest of the system... the entire contents of the jet's hyd system emptied through a vertically-pointing pipe and soaked the HAS roof. Thing is, what goes up, generally has to come back down..... 5 wet riggers and a flooded HAS..... We needed more than a rag to prevent that elbow drain....