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By: 7th February 2010 at 22:31 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Drugs, she was on.
At the airport, the question "Have you left this bag unattended at any time?" deserves the true answer of "Well, it's been in the loft for 12 months".
Last week I got as far as "Well...." but I stopped myself. Pre 9-11 I would have done it, not now. Last time I got smart at security I got a full search. Deservedly so.
By: 7th February 2010 at 23:04 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Recently I was at a party in London where one of the guests was quite an annoying American who seemed to babble on for most of the evening on how great the Democrats were. After a couple of bottles of Moet, I fell over, which prompted this American to ask "are you drunk sir?" I just wish I had replied 'does Rose Kennedy have a black dress?'
:diablo:
By: 8th February 2010 at 08:56 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Many years ago the deputy manager in our department was a rather intollerant, know-it-all type. One day when something minor had gone wrong she said "why am I surrounded by idiots?"
I thought, but didn't say, "because no-one else would put up with you". Maybe that was best left unsaid, though.
By: 8th February 2010 at 09:09 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Recently I was at a party in London where one of the guests was quite an annoying American who seemed to babble on for most of the evening on how great the Democrats were. After a couple of bottles of Moet, I fell over, which prompted this American to ask "are you drunk sir?" I just wish I had replied 'does Rose Kennedy have a black dress?':diablo:
No no no..totally inappropriate..in very poor taste..i'm sure you're better than that :(
By: 8th February 2010 at 09:10 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Noel Coward was, amongst others, well known for quips and put-downs. When asked who the man sitting next to the huge Queen of Tonga in the coronation coach was, replied "her lunch".
By: 8th February 2010 at 09:13 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-By: 8th February 2010 at 21:14 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-http://www.metacafe.com/watch/sy-39915560001/rodney_crowell_things_i_wish_id_said_official_music_video/
Appalling slush, IMHO - that's so bad it's not even funny.
By: 8th February 2010 at 22:04 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-I don't know, though I did have a moment of of spontaneous sarcasm many years ago when courting the first Mrs C. I was introduced to her anunt who happened to be only about 3 years older than me. Her remark was "hello gorgeous where have you been all my life?" The only reply I could think of was "for the first three years of it not even born." She commented that with friends like me who needed enemies.
Other than that I wish I'd been the person who came up with my sig.
By: 8th February 2010 at 22:13 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Years ago, on holiday in Hong Kong, an elderly American couple asked me where in England I came from, and when I told them Lincoln one of them replied rather condescendingly "Why, I've never even heard of that." "Really?" says I, "but you named one of your Presidents after it." Never bothered me for the rest of the tour...
By: 8th February 2010 at 22:24 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Things you wished you had said.
To a gent who stood holding my hand as a child at the cenotaph,who would hug me in public ,even in my twenties.And held my hand all the way through my father's funeral.
Thank you.
By: 9th February 2010 at 15:31 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Years ago, on holiday in Hong Kong, an elderly American couple asked me where in England I came from, and when I told them Lincoln one of them replied rather condescendingly "Why, I've never even heard of that." "Really?" says I, "but you named one of your Presidents after it." Never bothered me for the rest of the tour...
Brilliant.
By: 9th February 2010 at 21:38 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-To a gent who stood holding my hand as a child at the cenotaph,who would hug me in public ,even in my twenties.And held my hand all the way through my father's funeral.Thank you.
Touching.
Who was the gent?
By: 15th February 2010 at 08:17 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Candidate for a new thread, 'Things you wish you hadn't said' the BBC TV reporter has just said about the Roman Catholic sex scandal meeting in Rome today that they were going to get 'to the bottom of it.':o
By: 15th February 2010 at 08:26 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-I really enjoy this type of innocent double entendre. It might be worthy of a new thread.
By: 15th February 2010 at 08:48 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Double entendre is absolutely correct as the reporter repeated the phrase with a straight face!:D
By: 15th February 2010 at 09:52 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Rex 'Moose' Mossop was an ex dual code rugby international who went on to become a famous Rugby Leaugue commentator. Some famous Mossopism's -
"I'm sick of having male genitals rammed down my throat" Rex Mossop on the nude beach near Manly and people walking to and from their cars with nothing on. He became infamous for performing citizens arrests on them.
"If this game ever takes over from rugby league you can f*ck me in Pitt St." What League legend Rex Mossop said to Johnny Warren during a break in an England v Australia soccer match in the 1980s.
"if I keep getting Boyd and O'Grady mixed up, it's because they look alike, especially around the head"
One more from Rugby League-
"Rugby League is a simple game played by simple people. Rugby Union is a complex game played by w*nkers." Laurie Daley, ex Australian League captain.
By: 18th February 2010 at 18:52 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-I wish I could have told my mother I loved her, instead we had a massive argument. She went off, next thing she was found drowned in a river.:( Life is a bitch.
By: 18th February 2010 at 18:58 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-Anna that sucks, sorry to hear that.
By: 18th February 2010 at 19:00 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-It's ok it was 17 years ago:) but it taught me a big lesson in life.
By: 18th February 2010 at 19:15 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
-i love you, thankyou for everything and goodbye, to my grandad who died 9 years ago this july and to my Nan who died last year
sorry to hear that aswell Anna
Posts: 1,376
By: Mr Creosote - 7th February 2010 at 21:29
Recently, a girl of about 15 nearly got herself killed by running across a pelican crossing before the green man (oops, it's the more PC "Green Figure" now, isn't it?) appeared. When she got to my side she came up to me, waved her arms in the air and yelled "I'm Mad! Totally F-ing Crazy!" and waltzed off up the street clearly very impressed with herself. Seconds too late, as always, it occured to me to smile sympathetically and say "No you're not Love, you're just a bit silly." Maybe not the wittiest of rejoinders, but it would have made me feel a bit better...