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By: - 26th January 2002 at 15:50 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Fish
[updated:LAST EDITED ON 26-01-02 AT 03:51 PM (GMT)]Very funny!Here is one of mine:
Heard during a passenger briefing prior to departure,
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this aeroplane..."
And, after landing,
"Thank you for flying British Airways.We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
HAHAHA
By: - 26th January 2002 at 16:01 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Fish
1: You know when you have landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
2: There are three simple rules of making a good landing. Pitty no one knows what they are!
3: When in doubt hold on to the altitude. No one has ever colided with the sky.
4: The propeller is just a big fan to keep the pilot kool. When it stops...you can actually see the pilot sweat!
By: - 26th January 2002 at 16:12 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Fish
More from our "home is where the airplanes are" file...
A Navy officer was cutting through the crew's quarters of his carrier one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.
"Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?" the officer demanded.
"No, sir, but it's not the same thing, is it?"
"What do you mean, 'not the same'?"
"Well, we don't land airplanes on our roof at home either!"
By: - 26th January 2002 at 17:39 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Fish
Q: What is the fastest thing in an airline?
A: The food on the way out :P
May you find more mercy in Hell, cause you won't get it from me!
By: - 26th January 2002 at 19:27 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Fish
I can tell you a nice one, but there are too many children on this board.
By: - 26th January 2002 at 19:41 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
18+ : first warn your daddy before you enter :+
[updated:LAST EDITED ON 26-01-02 AT 07:51 PM (GMT)]REMEMBER THE TIMES WHEN SMOKING WAS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH, SEX WAS SAFE AND FLYING WAS DANGEROUS ?
At the end of a long haul flight the captain of a large Boeing, after the usual “good bye’s and I hope you enjoyed our flight”-BS, forgot to turn off the microphone. So he was talking to his co-pilot “Yeah, what I could use right now is a nice cup of coffee and a #####”. A stewardess who heard this through the radio ran towards the cockpit to warn the captain about the microphone. One passenger said “miss, you don’t need to hurry that much, he first wants a coffee". :+
:+ :+ :+
Ohh ##### ##### : just think about clinton and lewinsky and you know what i mean :+
oh and this one
" HOLD YOUR STICK, OR
LOSE YOUR BALLS "
By: - 26th January 2002 at 20:05 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
About the joke above
Heard that one before, only in the one I heard an Old lady offer her a condom!
May you find more mercy in Hell, cause you won't get it from me!
By: - 27th January 2002 at 00:26 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Another joke,a bit rude!
Ok this is quite funny,but by posting this i do not mean to offend anyone,if i do i am very sorry!!!
The plane's cabin was being served by a gay flight attendant who was obviously enjoying himself. He came swishing down the aisle and said through the PA, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people. So, if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."
"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch."
Hahahaha,i nearly cryed with laughter when i read that,is it just me or do i have a sad sense of humour??
By: - 28th January 2002 at 09:13 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Another joke,a bit rude!
My tale is not a rude one (sorry Geforce), but it is Belgian. On my first ever flight to Brussels (6th July 2000), we were on a DAT-operated flight. We had a crazy/hilarious steward who even had the stewardess in hysterics.
"On behalf of Sabena and Delta AIr Transport, I would like to welcome you aboard the best flight of your life... When we crash into the sea, please watch out for the sharks and don't get eaten!!"
Fly with proper Belgian airlines.
By: - 28th January 2002 at 18:04 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
At an Airline Ticket Counter-joke (not rude)
It was a typically busy, crowded, chaotic Friday before a bank holiday at the Heathrow.Travelers, friends, relatives, airport personnel, pilots, flight attendants, the handicapped and infirm being transported through the throngs of shoulder to shoulder people.
At one of the packed, British Airways ticket counters all of the ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man toward the end of the snaking line of passengers was obviously impatient and very frustrated at having to wait so long in the slow moving line. He finally decided to march right up to the counter pulling his wheeled suitcase and demanded that he be given his boarding pass. The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took a shallow, deep breath and said, "Sir, as you can see there are many passengers ahead of you. We are doing our best to process the passengers as fast as we can. I'm afraid you'll have to get back in line". Outraged and red in the face, the man yelled at the ticket agent saying, "Do you know who I am ???!!!." The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took another shallow, deep breath, picked up the public address system microphone and said calmly, "There is a man at the British Airways ticket counter who does not know who he is. Anyone who may be able to identify this man is asked to please step forward and identify him. Thank you".
Not as funny as my last one,but pretty good!
By: - 28th January 2002 at 19:05 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Another joke,a bit rude!
Yeah, i understand, very nice joke, so it must be belgian :+
But a rude joke is always twice as funny.
By: - 31st January 2002 at 10:25 Permalink - Edited 1st January 1970 at 01:00
RE: Another joke,a bit rude!
Sorry G. I don't know any rude Sabena jokes. I would have thought you'd have known plenty of them!!!
Posts: 4,213
By: andrewm - 26th January 2002 at 15:30
Airplanes are a bit like Fish, the bigger the airplane the more the airliner wants it, the bigger the fish - the more the fisherman wants it!
ANdrew M